


Goodbyes

by double_negative



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: AU, Angst, Death, M/M, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 02:08:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7739362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/double_negative/pseuds/double_negative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Isa was there?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> Another generic PapaIwa for you.  
> Written on a plane, because I couldn't sleep.

He was laying there, almost as white as the hospital sheets, eyes two glazed dots of blood red. Isa didn't need his medical training to know, the man before him is dying. He was dying from a disease there was no cure for yet, unable to hold on to his life, slipping away so slowly and so inevitably. A brilliant man, loved by many, and still he chose to spend his last moments with Isa. It was a strange decision, but seeing Mrs. Kawara and small Ryuta escorted away from the room by the nurse upon Ryuujis request filled Isa with some kind of pride, a disgusting, wretched feeling to experience near someone on their deathbed, but pleasurable nonetheless. Ryuuji chose him over his family once again, even if itmeans that Isa would bear the pain of seeing the man he loves so dearly take his last breath.

"Isa", the man calls out, "Are you there?"

His vision must be failing him as his amber eyes go unfocused and half-lidded.

"I'm always here for you, sir." Isa's voice is trembling, cracking, but he forces the words out still.

Ryuuji smiles, so wistfully, like he knows what Isa truly meant to say. Like he knew that the words that were supposed to be heard in the silence of the hospital room were "I love you. Please don't go".

Something in Isa's mind questions if Ryuuji truly felt the same for him all these years and the same something dismisses the thought. The man has a family and the only reason they're not here is because Ryuuji thinks his death too gruesome for them to witness. Isa, on the other hand, saw death so many times...

"Come closer then", Ryuuji's voice a whisper and Isa cannot disobey as he takes two steps towards the man's bed, two steps that drag on for what feels like eternity before he drops down into the abyss, or, in reality, carefully seats himself on the white sheets besides the dying man.

Noticing the shift in weight, Ryuuji smiles wider, that incredibly stupid grin that always brought on Isa's embarassment and bewilderment now seemingly so endearing, as he outstreches his hand to grab on to Isa's sweater. And with that simple gesture the whole world spins around Isa, dizzying, horrifying reality of what's about to happen hitting him like a freight train and Isa feels his cheeks become wet absentmindedly. He must be crying. His own sobs are distant to him through the haze that makes his head swim, like everything in the world has lost it'smeaning besides the warmth of a hand, clutching at his clothes with the last of it's strength.

"Don't cry, Isa", and the hand lets go, reaching higher to glide over Isa's wet face, caressing it carefully, before falling back to the matress limply, "Smiles suit you so much better".

And as Isa leans over to his doctor, close enough so he could distinguish his face, he tries his best to smile, and the tears start anew, when the corners of his mouth curl up he tastes salt. Even as he dies, Ryuuji wants Isa to smile and that Isa cannot forgive. He's a horrible person that doesn't deserve to be happy, doesn't deserve to be cared about, doesn't deserve to be loved, he knows that, and most of all he doesn't deserve a man like Ryuuji.

But Ryuuji looks at him, his red eyes the only thing that shows life anymore, Ryuuji looks at him, like Isa's smile is the most precious and treasured thing in the world and Isa feels his breath catch in his throat from the intensity of his mentor's gaze.

At once, when his mind goes completely silent, Isa leans closer, doing the only thing he wanted to do for years when he seen that bright cheery face, he presses a kiss to Ryuuji's lips, staining him with his tears. Ryuuji doesn't flinch, maybe because he expected this or maybe because there's no more strength in his body to do so and Isa is thankful for this, pressing on deeper, if ever so slightly, feeling how dry and cracked and hot the man lips are before pulling away. It must be from the fevers, Isa thinks, once again feeling the sense of dread fill his body, afraid to move, afraid to ruin the moment. When he opens his eyes, Ryuuji is still smiling.

"You are so lucky Isa", his voice is barely a laboured breath, "You get to live. So live and be happy for me".

And with that his heavy eyelids fall closed as the machines cease their beeping, showing a straight line where Ryuuji's faint pulse was displayed before. In that silence Isa hears screaming, bloodcurling despaired wail and realises it's his own voice.

Only a couple seconds later, but what feels like eternity to Isa, a nurse appears and drags Isa away, a sobbing, broken mess and he can't even spare a glance towards Mrs.Kawara seated in the waiting room because he knows he'll see a look of disgust and judgement plastered on her face, the same look he saw every time in their rare encounters, that face of betrayal that appeared every time Ryuuji turned his attention to Isa. He can't bear to look at Ryuuta, so small and still so much like his father, the same tousled blue hair, the same vibrant red eyes, the same curious expression. It's all too much and Isa wretches out from the nurses grip on his shoulder and heads towards the bathrooms.

From the mirror a man stares at him, a man he doesn't know. Someone who looks a lot like him, someone who is wearing his clothes, but someone who's not Isa Souma, not anymore. When he wipes his tears away and cleans his glasses, the bleary reflection becomes so much sharper. The man in it looks older, in fact, older than Isa by many years, that childish roundness of his face no longer there, giving way to angular features, his eyes are shaded with black and blue from the sleepless nights spent searching for a cure, for a way to save a person he would now spend even more nights mourning. But what changed the most is his expression. Before it was apathetic, uninterested, but now his features were completely lifeless, almost as he himself has died in that room, lips curling in a crooked, cruel smirk, eyes cold and impassive, hidden behind the glare of his glasses. It wasn't a face of a man who was going to live a happy life, it was a mask of someone who just lost his only chance at happiness and knew it.

He's "lucky". He is going to live. If only to try and fulfill Ryuuji's impossible last request. He's going to live, but Isa Souma is dead, lying alongside his beloved's body, with only a broken husk of a man he needs to be to survive left behind.


End file.
